Tag: Improving Mental Health

Starting a New Medication – A Lyrica Warning!

Christina WardLeave a comment

Before starting any new medication, you need to read this.

After the first pills, the pain vanished. My hands, my arms, my back. I felt magnificent. I recall sitting on the bed and watching the muscles leaping and twitching in my arm. The involuntary movements were entertaining, at first. My fingers twitched and leaped. My arm jerked. My shoulder twitched as the electric pulsing ran down my arm. It didn’t hurt. In fact, nothing hurt. The nerve pain in my hands and arms, gone. The nerve pain in my feet, gone. My back pain, neck pain, leg pain, sciatica…GONE!

I felt energized. Creative. I started a bullet journal. Over the course of 3 days I completed over 30 pages of charted notes, lists, extensive drawings and paper collages. I created spreads that I shared all over my social media. All hours of the night, I had paper, scissors, stickers, and containers of markers, ink pens, gel pens, colored pencils. I went through several glue sticks and rolls of tape and needed more.

I felt funny walking. Light-footed, wobbly, like the world was leaning and I was trying to make my feet cling to it. I wasn’t sure I was walking straight. I bumped into things. It was kind of funny, I thought.

Things were appearing in my hands. People appearing in front of me, waiting for my response. Had I been talking?

I was sitting in the bathtub. I don’t remember getting in the bathtub. The water was cold. My head felt foggy as I tried very hard to force memory. What day was it?

I woke up with my face on the stove. I was boiling water. I don’t know why I was boiling water. My family members were staring at me.

I was outside. The rooster was missing in the woods. I was amazed that I was walking on all the sticks and rocks and it didn’t hurt my feet at all! How amazing! I stared at my bare feet with fascination as I tromped through the field, across the gravel driveway, and through the woods. I was crying, very hard, but I wasn’t sure why. I was laughing that I was crying. (I later remember we hadn’t had that rooster for several years, as he had been killed by a predator, while fighting honorably to protect his hens.)

I woke up and I was sitting on the couch writing a letter. The scribbles on the paper were unintelligible for the most part. Other words were terrifying and rambling. One letter was enveloped and stamped and hanging on the “outgoing mail” clip by the door. Inside of the envelope, more ramblings I didn’t remember writing. Was I sleepwalking? I remember talking to someone.

My boyfriend was mad at me. This was very unusual. I didn’t know why. I sobbed on the couch to my 14-year-old daughter that he didn’t love me even though I was having a stroke. She consoled me. What was happening to me? I sobbed on, not knowing why or how I could allow myself to be pouring out myself in such horrible manner to my child, my CHILD!

I became increasingly belligerent. I made a lot of phone calls.

I don’t feel right, I kept telling people. I told the pharmacist, again. I don’t know how many times I called Joe the pharmacist, but the last time I called he called me by name as soon as he got on the phone. The “hold” song from the doctor’s office phone was playing on a loop in my head. How many times had I called them?

Something was wrong, very wrong. I hadn’t slept for days. What day was it?

When I finally reached my doctor on Monday morning, sobbing, feeling excited, creative, fantastic, terrible, and terrified, all at the same time. My arm still jerking, my fingers having a mind of their own.

You are having an allergic reaction ma’am. Don’t take any more of the Lyrica pills.

When I stopped taking the medication, the first day was like a fog lifting out of me, a sobering up, a making amends to the people I had tormented while I was in a medicated stupor. A great sigh of relief, and the return of pain. My feet had cuts all over them. My heels were deeply cracked and painful.

It took nearly 6 months after my 3-day experience with an allergic reaction to Lyrica, a medication my doctor prescribed to me to try to treat my chronic pain, for my arm to stop twitching. My fingers twitched, sometimes uncontrollably, for nearly a year. I still have cracks in my heels. The fear of the experience will never leave me. My family did not know what was happening as a lot of what I was experiencing while taking the medication, was not expressed to them, at least not in any way that made sense. I must say honestly, that it ranks high as one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I wanted to share my experience as a reminder to check all new medications for side effects before you start the taking it, so that you can watch out for those symptoms. Have a trusted loved one know this information as well. If my family had known what to look for, they may have intervened on my behalf. Medications can affect your mental health in terribly destructive ways, and you need to be informed. While this medication is a life-saver to many, it is now on my list of “do not take” medications with my doctor, even listed as a medication allergy.

Lyrica (pregabalin) is an anti-epileptic drug medication used to treat neuropathic pain associated with peripheral neuropathy or postherpetic neuralgia, for treating partial onset seizures in adults, and fibromyalgia. Common side effects include:

Dizziness
Drowsiness
loss of balance or coordination
Dry Mouth
Constipation
Edema
Breast swelling
Tremors
Blurred vision
Weight gain
Problems with memory or concentration

Medications can change your life but be very careful HOW you administer a new medication, and be informed, very informed, about the risks. I hope that sharing this experience with you will be a reminder of this, and to pay attention, as well, to family members under your care when they start a new medication. If you or someone you love are experiencing unusual symptoms or behavior while taking a new medication, or at any time you are on a course of medication, please call your doctor to discuss your concerns.

Chronic Pain: Just DEAL With It??? 10 Ways HOW

Christina Ward14 Comments

 

A friend of mine recently said to me while we were discussing my experiences in living with chronic pain and how difficult it can be for others to understand, “well, it is a “thing.” Yes, chronic pain is a “thing,” and it is something many of us live with daily. Maybe you power through and keep on working, or you find yourself parked on the couch day after day, feeling like life is simply passing you by.

Life does not have to just pass you by.

We all do our best to “just deal with it,” a phrase we hear more often than comfortable. And in the throes of a nationwide opiod epidemic, some of us do so without medications that would have been a standard treatment. Other medications, not necessarily pain medications, are often prescribed, counseling or physical therapy recommended, or occasional steroid treatments.

 

The source of chronic pain often goes undiagnosed, which can lead to anxiety and unease. “What is wrong with me?” becomes a dominating thought.

There is hope.

But managing chronic pain is more than doctors, pills and therapy. It is developing a support system and a lifestyle that allows you to continue living your life to the fullest that you are able and having people around you that love you in spite of your limits. Here are a few tips to managing the pain and living life off the couch of despair.

 

 

Managing Your Pain

 

  • Yes, see your doctors and follow their advice. It is not a final solution to what you are going through, but they can offer medications, therapy, physical therapy, chiropractic, or possibly surgical options. Do not carry a shame or guilt about pursuing these options. You are taking care of your health the same as you would any other disease or condition. Understand that they may not be able to cure you of your condition.

 

  • Be honest with your family and friends. Let them know you are struggling with pain and that it is affecting how you go about your daily activities, how you participate in social engagements, and how you feel from day to day. Try to understand that they cannot feel what you are going through and some skepticism is understandable. Be careful not to burden them with complaints, but he honest. If there are people in your life who criticize you, berate you, or abuse you for what you are going through, perhaps it is time to distance yourself or burn a bridge with those people. You need a supportive community, not one that makes you feel less of a person for what you are going through.

 

  • Develop healthy coping skills. This is not the time to abuse alcohol, pain killers, or other unhealthy means of dealing with your pain. Self-abusive activities will only worsen what your body is already trying to manage. Find things that alleviate your pain and listen to your body. Understand that our approach may have to be alleviating or tolerating your pain, not ending it. Chronic pain is just that, chronic. If walking helps the pain in your hips, then make the time to do it. If Epsom salt baths or using your TENS unit bring you relief, then make the time to do it Taking care of yourself is crucial to living a more comfortable life.

 

  • Don’t beat yourself up over your limitations. Pain changes people. You realize you have limits, but this does NOT mean that you do not have purpose, value, and deserve to live proudly. While your pain may limit you, it does not define you. Try to focus on what you CAN do, not on what you can’t.

 

  • Ask for help. This may seem simple, but some people try to do everything they used to do and make living with the pain much harder than it could be. Let some things go if need be and ask others to pitch in a little more and lighten the load where it is most cumbersome.

 

  • Find joy wherever you can. Joy, smiling, laughter, even in small doses can help you to feel alive, content, and change your perspective on having a bad day. Embrace these moments and cling to them!

 

  • Try to accept that there will be good days and bad days. Maximize on your good days and be patient with yourself on the difficult ones. You didn’t ask to be in this position, and you may have no control over the circumstances, but you do have control over how you respond to it, how much mental attention you give it, and how you can stay positive.

 

  • Listen to your body and respond to it with kindness. Sometimes pain signals are for us to slow down, stop using that are of our body and let it rest and heal, or the signals are simply misfirings that will fade on it’s own. Do not ruminate or inflate problems that may be temporary. Focus on something else the best you can until it passes.

 

  • Say NO. There are times you just, cannot. It is ok to be present when you can, but you know that you can’t always be at that meeting, or that party, or get-together. It is ok to be absent, without guilt. If you were sick, you’d have to bow out and this is no different. Sometimes you just can’t be there…and this is OK.

 

  • Finally, if someone tells you to “just deal with it,” tell them: I AM.

 

It’s Time to Take Back Your Life
Life can be difficult, but it does not mean it is impossible.

 

Living with chronic pain can be difficult, isolating, embarrassing, and debilitating. If you know someone experiencing this, try not to judge or be unkind, or worse, to gossip about them to others. We ALL have our burdens to bear and we handle them in vastly different ways, the best that we can. And again, to those of you living with this condition: Stay positive, you have VALUE, and your pain does not define who you are.

AND YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

 

 

 

Dust

Christina Ward7 Comments

 

     We can all identify in some way to addiction. Regardless of what that addiction may be, no matter the greatness of it, we all share in the same struggle to let them go, to release that thing which holds our hands behind our backs and our truths hostage. This poem is about the sad dance we do to entertain our addictions, to pretend they don’t own us, and to prepare for the day we will be ready to bury them. Most people can relate.

     I pray whatever has you, that you will one day find the strength to live free of it. I don’t remember exactly what inspired me to write this poem and to my recollection I have never shared it with anyone. I feel compelled to do so now, in the hopes that it will touch the heart of someone in need. Thank you for reading and I welcome your thoughts and comments. Here is “Dust.”

Dust

Addictions collect,
blend in the wash.
We hang their silent arsenal
to dry in the sun.

We pull them down,
flap the dust free,
floating between smoke bunnies
that land and swim in our drinks.

(Dust drinked down
is just as dry.)

We cannot nail the casket shut
just yet.

 

Christina Ward, Feb. 2008

How Keeping bullet Journal Can be Excellent for mental Health

Christina Ward4 Comments

I decided to start a bullet Journal after seeing it come up in conversation on a penpal group that I frequent on Facebook. Well, if there is a buzz about anything in a crafty department, then I MUST INVESTIGATE.  I have been thoroughly obsessed with looking through Pinterest, Instagram, all sorts of Google searches so that I can see what the buzz is all about and I am HOOKED. What an insanely great idea!

After exploring this unique form of self-expression, I have come to a few conclusions regarding how this journey is helping MY MIND. It appeals to all of those little OCD corners of my brain that shout when something isn’t quite right and urges me to make a list, clean a room,  organize a bookshelf or stay up all night jotting down ideas. It allows me to reign in my SQUIRRELY BRAIN and put it into little neat boxes that helps me feel grounded. I look forward to being able to compare my sleep patterns to the patterns of my headaches, compare my exercise patterns to see if on those days I notate better sleep or happier mood… organizing my pen pals, and notating some of the harebrained ideas that bounced around in my head. You never know when those ideas may come to fruition!!

First, let me detail the parts of a personality that bullet journaling would appeal to and a few benefits of starting your own Bullet Journal…so that you can decide whether or not this could be THE THING for you. I will make a few suggestions for pages as well. Feel free to comment pics of your favorite pages if you are a fellow Bujo-er.

What Bujo can do for you…

* Bullet journaling is super ORGANIZE-Y. Seriously who doesn’t need a little bit of help keeping their schedule organized? Yes, I do keep a calendar in my cell phone, and I am not knocking our super-techy norm, but one day this week my phone wouldn’t charge and there was a brief moment of absolute panic. It helps to have a calendar in my cell phone but there’s something very special about writing an activity down that makes it real for me. I am often saying to someone that if I don’t write it down,  it does not EXIST in my world.

* Bullet journaling appeals to your inner list-maker. Is there anything more satisfying really than to check off a box on your to-do list? The feeling of accomplishment when you can scratch off an item from your to-do list will continuously feed your self-esteem, while the list-making itself will help you organize those racing or disorganized thoughts. If you are a list-maker like me,  then get your pen (or in my case multiple pens, containers of markers, metallic, gels, etc.) ready!  Because the bullet Journal is yours… designed by you and for you. Your list can be whatever font,  length,  or topic you choose. And it won’t get lost in the car,  buried in the bottom of your purse, or misplaced in your stack of mail as easily perhaps as your phone. And let’s face it, your phone already has UMPTEEN tasks going on and doesn’t give you that nostalgic, smell-the-paper experience.

* Bullet journaling  helps you take a look at your life and set goals. Your bullet journal combines several things in one place to help you compartmentalize, and look over your life stats according to YOU…not according to likes, comments, and the often unkind online community. It is an organizer, a tracker for anything that you would like to keep track of,  a creative outlet, a reference tool for all sorts of important information that you want to keep track of, a dream journal, A Prayer Journal, a mental health tool,  a scrapbook, a memory keeper… the list goes on. It a place to organize both your life and your thoughts into one awesome place where you can go to get your head together. It is helps you to achieve your goals and focus on your strengths. It is an excellent resource to use for self- improvement in any area of your life.

* Bullet journaling is, quite frankly, the cheapest hobby I have ever adopted. All you need is a blank journaling notebook of your choice and your favorite pen and you are all set!  I would suggest a few other things… but I will get to that in a moment.

* Bullet journaling allows you to be your own best cheerleader. Encourage Yourself, be good to yourself, collect favorite scriptures and quotes all in one place. Does the color yellow make you happy? Do yellow! Whatever inspires you, fills you, and makes you do YOU more fully…embrace it in the pages of your Bujo.

* Bullet journaling is perfect for the obsessive mind. If you are a worrier or over-thinker this is the perfect hobby for you. It helps you to simplify things that you are mulling over and over into something that looks organized, neat, and efficient. I have often told my children that worrying is a symptom of mental boredom, and that getting creative is the perfect way to relieve that boredom. Worry is merely creativity gone wrong. Capture that mental energy in the pages of your Bujo and organize those wandering thoughts into charts, or doodles, or plans.

* Bullet journaling is easy and can be personalized to your taste. It can be as simple and minimalistic as you want it to be, or it can get crafty,  go all out and be covered in washi tape,  polka dots and accordion style pull outs! (Warning here…looking up bullet journal page ideas on Pinterest is a WORMHOLE).

* Bullet journaling allows you to work on your handwriting,possib ly learn some new fontsor doodles, or maybe learn to do calligraphy. It gives you an excuse to use those fun colored pens that you’ve been storing up in your desk drawer. (Another warning here, new pens can become an addiction!).

* Bullet journaling DOES NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT. And neither do you!  This is YOUR LIFE IN PROGRESS so make your journal any way you want.

* It is created BY YOU… FOR YOU!!! THERE ARE NO RULES!!!

 

Does any of this appeal to you? Well it certainly does to me. It appeals to all of those little OCD corners of my brain that shout when something isn’t quite right and urges me to make a list, clean a room,  organize a bookshelf or stay up all night jotting down ideas. It allows me to reign in my SQUIRRELY BRAIN and put it into little neat boxes that helps me feel grounded. I look forward to being able to compare my sleep patterns to the patterns of my headaches, compare my exercise patterns to see if on those days I notate better sleep or happier mood… organizing my pen pals, and notating some of the harebrained ideas that bounced around in my head. You never know when those ideas may come to fruition!!

So with that as a brief introduction to Bullet journaling, here are a few notes about how you can get started with your Bullet Journal.

Getting Started

° Step 1: Get a notebook. You can use a plain journal with no lines on the pages, a gridded journal with a dot grid (which seems to be popular in the bullet journaling Community), or a plain old spiral notebook that’s been sitting in the back of your desk for three years. It doesn’t matter what Journal you choose to use as long as it’s one that you like!  I, personally, will not be carrying my bullet journal with me as I will continue to put my appointments into my cell phone calendar, for later relaying into my bullet Journal. But if you choose to carry it with you,  as a lot of people do, keep in mind the size of your bullet journal and the weight so that it will fit in your purse or your pocket or your computer bag/book bag. (My first Bujo was a vintage Journal given to me many many years ago by my mother and it is covered in a floral fabric.)

° Step 2: Writing supplies! Collect your favorite pens in the house and get them all into one place. I have all of mine in one of those $1 baskets from the Dollar Store with a couple of organized sections in it. I have them sorted by regular pens, gel, metallic markers, highlighters and markers and fountain pens. Some markers,  colored pencils or fountain pens may bleed through your Bujo pages so you may want to use a test page in the back of your Bullet Journal. Use this space to write with each utensil before you use it to make sure that it does not bleed through the paper too much and it looks satisfying to you on the paper. I keep my pens together because if you set up a color guide on any of your pages, you will want to make sure you stay consistent with the colors of pens that you are using throughout that “spread”. Some people create an elaborate color scheme and then later minimalize it to use less colors. The good thing is if you don’t like the way you’re doing something,  YOU CAN CHANGE IT!!  If you absolutely lose your mind over mistakes then you may want to have a pencil and eraser to map out your pages before you put them in ink. Also if you are a Washi tape junkie… this is the thing for you!! Other supplies include a small ruler for making straight lines, clear tape if you need it for attaching little inspirational card,  etc.  I would suggest some stencil sheets.  I have some left over from scrapbooking days and I use them on nearly every page.

° Step 3: Create an index in the front of your Journal. You will want to notate every entry that you make into your book and what page those entries are on so that they can be found quickly. ( If your Journal does not have numbered Pages, then you will want to number them.)

° Step 4 Create a key. There is a way to use the standard original symbols that are recommended for bullet journaling, however I just made up my own. Put a key in the front of your book so that you can reference it and pretty soon you will remember all of your symbols and colors and dots and you’ll know what it means. This gives you a way to prioritize your notes, find things quicker, and relocate to-do items to other days if you need to carry them over.

° Step 5: Create a year at a glance page if you choose. I did not do this. If you think it would be helpful you may do that in the beginning of your book. You will want to create month at a glance pages, and I would just do the month you are entering… don’t skip ahead and do a bunch of months at one time. That way you have the option to change your format if you like. Make sure to leave space for notes and to-do lists. I did not do a year at a glance  but I just went straight into some collection pages and then my month at a glance page and weeks at a glance pages. These are the pages you will use to stay organized in all of your activities and keep up with your to-do list for each day, possibly your dinner menu list, and shopping list for each month and week.  There are many, many ways for you to set up your calendar. I did Google searches and look through Pinterest and Instagram and found lots of ideas on how to do this. If you are not a super busy person and don’t have many appointments, you can do a monthly spread and then just have fun with customized pages. Mine is a lot less appointment oriented and a lot more personal growth oriented.

° Step 6 Get creative with your pages. Are you a shopping fanatic but can’t remember what you buy and where you buy it? Make a shopping page!  Are you a pen pal-er and want to keep up with your pen pals? Make a pen pal tracker! Make a page to track your exercise program or smoking cessation program. Make a page to brainstorm ideas for birthday presents for your spouse. Make a sleep tracker page to track how much sleep you are getting and how well you slept. Create a mood tracker system with cute little doodled emojis!  The possibilities are endless.my favorite spreads are my books to read spread,  gratitude Journal, prayer list,  and helpful scriptures for areas I am trying to improve in my life. This is called a collection. It is a certain topic that you make a page on that you are collecting information about or listing about Etc.

Make a Brain Dump page!!  This is exactly what it sounds like. On those days you have too much running around in your mind,  dump it out on your Brain Dump page. The good thing is you can make as many of those pages as you would like!

Get creative and Bujo your life.

 

I hope you’ve learned something new or found some inspiration. If you love Bujo, share what you love about it and how it helps you stay sane. Share pics of your favorite pages or ideas. Thanks for stopping by!!

 

°°°christina°°°