My Son’s Stepmother Passed, and I am a Weepy Mess

One would think this wouldn’t affect me so, but it is complicated how our hearts handle death.

My son is in his upper twenties now, but I look back on his childhood days with a grateful, yet sometimes guilty heart. There were tough days sprinkled in with the rambunctious adventures of my firstborn. His father, Danny, and I divorced when he was just a toddler.

Danny and I fought like cats and dogs, pardon the cliche. But it was rather terrible. A grand stress in a very difficult situation. We had very different ideas about what was “ok” for our son, and what was NOT.

Insert Beverly here.

Danny met Beverly when my son was just a toddler, still, and my first impressions were, well, they are odd. Danny had been dating a LOT and this woman was nothing remotely like the young, loud-mouthed, “street-wise” messes he’d been parading by in two-week near-marital then crashing relationships.

Dragging my toddler right along with him to meet these “new mommies.”

Until Beverly. She was much older than him, very quiet, and very present. Suddenly she was there. And my toddler boy, a raging ball of happiness and energy and mischief, had a motherly presence when he was at his father’s.

When the fights between Danny and I arose; it was Beverly that took the phone, spoke calmly, always had a loving response to my fury, and stood strong in difficult moments. When there was bad news, it was often Beverly that called me. When there were concerns about my son, Beverly and I often had these conversations.

Her peaceful presence was a blessing to us all.

Now, Beverly was not a perfect person; she had her flaws of gullibility, sometimes accepting things that were not healthy or good, because she saw and loved the good in everyone. Sometimes her passivity was too much, but I respected her for her kindness and her intention.

The diagnosis of cancer, very aggressive and progressed, came less than a month ago…and now she is gone.

Yesterday at noon, this kind, compassionate, ever-present woman in my son’s life, the wife of my ex-husband (we are now friends and get along beautifully–the difficulties of raising a child together now over), mother, grandmother, and quiet, sweet-spirited woman, took her last breath riddled with cancer cells and weakness.

And I have been weepy.

She treated me with kindness, love, and compliments–even when I was unlovable.

She changed my sons diapers, bathed him, worried over him, attended with me his graduation–and for her love for my son, I am grateful.


I wish I had been there
to see you reaching out
wooden fingers
An empty casket arm
trying to bridge the space
Between your brokenness
and His glory.


I am glad He took your hand.
Your dust swept away…
may black-winged birds be light
and quick with your soul!

He’s been waiting for you.

–From In Memoriam, Christina Ward

My blessings, prayers, thoughts, tears are with my son today as he mourns his second mother, and for Danny, who very deeply mourns his wife and perfect partner today.

And I am weepy.

Hug your loved ones–and tell them what you love about them. Time is precious.

Holiness ~ a poem about Grace

Holiness

Eternal womb of growth
Prepare me for eternal birth.
Fortify me with God’s word.
Let my humble prayer be heard.

Here I am!

A broken soul that Jesus bought,
Heal my wounds; bend my mind to righteous thought.
I lift my arms to You, let praise begin!
I lift my lips, let song begin!

Can you hear me?

Let love embrace me.
Let grace replace me.
Lift me out of this darkness I have been in,
Let only your glory reside within.

I need you.

Prepare me Father, nurture my soul
That I may soon be whole,
That I may find endless rest,
And dwell forever in your holiness.

 

 Christina Ward

Thank you for reading Holiness. For more of my poetry follow this blog. I look forward to your comments, likes, and feedback on this, and my other poems. God bless!

Easter Freebie!

Well, a lot has happened since I’ve last updated. I made a week and a half trip to my home state NC and visited with family and friends. A blessed trip to say the least, but I’m happy to be home again, comfy in my surroundings, and getting the wheels of creativity turning.

Current BAP: The Eagle project I am working on is dusted off and I’m plodding along with ferver. I want to get started on a new BAP and I can’t do that easily with this one parked in my large Q-snap now can I? Here’s the latest pic:

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Vine Color block update: I’ve begun stitching on my FIRST cross stitch design. It is a unique and pleasant feeling to stitch your own design. This design is currently for sale at my Etsy page and I need a picture for the ad. Here is my progress so far,Sorry for the poor quality picture from my tablet. While a tablet is a fantastic addition to my stitchy time, taking pictures is certainly NOT her best feature. I’ll get a better final pic, outside, in the lovely light of the sun! I wish you could see how well the colors mesh and that the fabric is a lovely rich, dark peach color.

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The FINAL of my birth announcement project is finished as well. The name turned out great and was a CHALLENGE. I incorporated my mother’s handwriting sample into the design to use for the writing:

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Ok those are the quick updates…which brings me to EASTER. I’ve designed something to stitch for a bookmark and Bible cover for my small Bible. I measured out the fabric for the Bible cover, figured about how many stitches I’d have room for in a panel on the front, and came up with my own design. It’s not really the light, floral thing I had in mind but I think it’s a cute for Easter. So, in the spirit of giving, as Christ has taught, I am giving it to YOU. Happy Easter everyone. Here’s the link for the freebie design. Don’t forget to save the pdf file to your computer!

Easter Cross pic

Easter Cross

Now, I’ve while I’ve decided to leave the design in it’s SPRING colors, I wanted a darker, more olive look for my Bible cover to match the fabric I’ve chosen, so here are the colors I’m using:

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So, what have YOU been up to in your stitchy life? How do you balance your stitching with the need for sunshine, exercise? What’s been on your mind? Comments are welcome and I hope you’ll share a thought or two. Thank you for reading and again, happy Easter!