Hopes, Dreams, and the Gargantuan Spiders Waiting at the Door

We all have them. Dreams. Of course, I’m not talking about the nighttime ones where you’re nursing a baby that turns into a puppy, or you are being chased through the woods by something that looks like Chewbacca and you wake up sweating and doubting your own sanity.  Not those. I mean the ones that start young, in the sandbox with you, when you start building your own roads and carve out the perfect spot for the house and put little sprigs of twigs here and there for trees in the yard….those dreams. The ones that grow up with you. They tangle themselves so closely with your insides that they sway with your movements, shift with each heartbeat, cringe with each doubt that crosses your mind. They are a part of you. They will never go away. They will refuse to die. And they will not leave you alone.

The only dreams I can say that I have ever really known are:

A. I knew I’d have children (done and done.) Although I didn’t have the 6 children, oldest named Rosemary, that I had pictured as a child, I was blessed with 2 wonderful boys, now young men, of whom I am very proud.

B. I wanted a big beautiful house. Right now, it’s hard enough to keep a job, much less buy a house. My credit score looms in the back of my mind and I go to great lengths to try and pretend it is not there, ruining my plans. Now I’m 40. Credit Genie…..wherefore art thou?

C. I wanted to live at the beach. This is a much more do-able dream than the one I had in high school of moving to Sweden and raising Himalayan cats. Seriously, Sweden is cold. Florida is closer. And I’m pretty damn obsessed with the beach.  Here I am in Florida, sitting in my rental mobile home, my boys in the back playing video games, the man I love back there with them, and I’m watching a Lifetime movie. The beach is about an hour away, perfect for a day off.  We’ve been here a little over a year now so I guess we are real Floridians. So far so good. Loving everything!!

EXCEPT, the bugs. No one told me just how large the bugs would be here in Florida. Well, I guess they did but who’s listening? I mean, the BEACHES are down here!! So are gargantuan spiders that stare in through the front door pane and make it damn near impossible to focus on the movie at hand. And just for the record i have just discovered when a spider of that size is INSIDE the house, I can be quite acrobatic.

Dreams. Thank God they are bigger than the spiders in Florida.

Author: Christina M. Ward

Poet, author of "organic"

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